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My first 30 plus years of life was spent fearful, depressed and a constant struggle. There would always seem to be someone or something that I would allow to get me whipped into a frenzy. I was raised that way, in constant survival mode. I followed through with what I was taught, life sucks, you can’t get what you want, if you do get anything it will be a struggle, like constantly climbing mountains. It was an exhausting way to live. My chronic fatigue by the time I was in my thirties was proof of that. It’s like being a solar battery that needs to be constantly recharged. I just couldn’t control it all, this thing called life, Lord knows I tried. The depression and sadness killed my mother at the age of 57, and I lost my cookies……all of them!!!! Her life was spent the way I was living mine and for her death was a gift, the struggle was over. She spent her whole life wanting her mother to love her. My mother died taking care of the mother that never showed her love.
We are not taught how to deal, we are not taught how to be happy, we are not taught why the hell we are here……. Oh yes, there are religions, that will be more than happy to take your money and tell you how you need to be saved, over and over and over again. You know the bullshit of ‘original sin’? So from the beginning you are not worthy, from the beginning you are taught to fit inside the box, be the sheep, follow the rich guy. Which is probably the same guy asking for your money.
Think of what you could accomplish if you were taught who you really are. You are a Spiritual Being in a physical body, you chose to be here. You chose this shitty experience for yourself. Your life really is all about you. You came here to learn and just when you think you have mastered the lesson, here comes another thing you need to ‘get and master’…..”Life is all about choice. You choose your life, your family, your friends, your difficulties, your opportunities. What you do with them is your choice. Suffer, flourish, succumb or overcome, it’s all up to you. You are not at the mercy of any power or person.” 8 Keys: A Special Delivery Message from the Angels. Whatever you believe about your life is your truth. If you know life sucks, you are right…..if you know you are an unlimited spiritual being, you are right. It just doesn’t get much simpler than that. What you know to be true is created in your life each day.
After my mom passed I went into a severe depression. I have been blessed in my life, when I saw myself spiraling down into the pit of despair, I made a choice. The Angels spoke to me saying, “do not live your life the way your mother did’, that sounded reasonable to me…….I choose to move into love. The whole story is in my book, 8 Keys. The story is not complicated. If I needed help I asked, just put it ‘out there’ and answers always came back. Bit by bit, piece by piece, the empty spots in my soul got filled. It seems almost impossible that one person can hold such pain for years and years, including all those past life traumas that needed to be cleared. Then, the struggle with ego, sometimes as I look back I wonder how any one of us survive it. It is not complicated but it is taking a good long look at yourself. All the good, bad, and the ugly and find love anyway. The fact that you as a human can do this is amazing. Often I can feel the love my mother sends or she will show up in my dreams, always sending love. Most recently I was told by a psychic friend, that my mother was thanking me for doing the work healing my energy, because it has healed the energy all the way back, including hers and others down the line. Now I know why it was so important, now I understand so much more. Everything is energy, energy cannot be destroyed, even after death the energy of your loved one is out there. My mother passed December 1st, 1990. You are forever in my heart. Next time we come back lets spend more happy time together!!
My second 30 plus years has been learning to allow life to be filled with love, joy, peace, prosperity and health…….And perfect divine self expression. I believe I have mastered it. Things still show up, fear from ego still raises it’s head, but love is more powerful than any negativity, it’s just another lesson to learn. I have forgiven those in this life’s journey, including myself and I live my life as the Goddess, I AM!