I grew up in a very chaotic, dysfunctional family. Dysfunction comes in many forms. Unlike some it wasn’t about drinking, or yelling and screaming between my parents. It was the silence and the unknown. Yes, my mother would lose control and go into a tirade at times, which would strike terror into my heart. But it was the times in between when nothing was said. Each of us is born psychic. That knowing is within us and it is our direct connection to Source. I had that gift. I knew during the times when ‘nothing’ was happening, that something was brewing, the energy of it was palpable. I knew when I would ask ‘what’s wrong’ and got the usual ‘nothing’, that there certainly was something wrong. Especially during the so called ‘happy’ times, the energy of chaos underlying my picturesque family, I knew could blow at any moment. My mother was always on the edge, and my father was distant….Till the visits in the middle of the night. All of this was where I came from. Like so many of you, I learned some excellent, creative, survival mechanisms that truly blossomed as I grew up. I was the ‘good girl’. I got straight A’s in school and made National Junior Honor Society. Not that my family cared, but for me it was a constant battle to prove my worthiness. So the ‘good girl’ became my persona, my survival mode.
When I finally moved out and went on my own, I could not have been happier about my new adventure. It was such a relief to be a ‘grown up’ on my own. I was now in control of my own life. It’s funny though, I just took my survival mechanisms with me, and continued them into my adulthood. I added a few extras too. I had no memories before the age of 10, I was never in present moment, I was always creating the future with the hope of something to look forward too. I would move alot, change jobs, whatever it took to get out of present moment. The ‘good girl’ continued, as ego will do, hoping people would accept and like me. Even though I had no idea who ‘me’ was. I wrote in my book the ‘8 Keys’, “After the first time I went to college and had to quit due to financial difficulties, everything I owned fit into my car. I had no ties to anyone or any place. So when things got too difficult, and the adventure got too thin; I could pick up and move to a whole new adventure….to a place where no one knew me.
Many times over the years, long after my worldly possessions could no longer fit into a single vehicle, I would still get the urge to ‘move on’ whenever things got tough. These urges came all too often……At some point, I finally realized, it was just geography and I would still meet myself after all the dust settled.”
It is amazing to me how many creative children, grow up to be creative adults when it comes to survival mechanisms. The ego carries the memories of abuse, failure, not being good enough, and other guilty, painful things you took on as a child. You become the amazing OCD adult, taking care of everyone, except yourself. Some of you have become addicts running from the pain of what ego thinks you are. Some of you become angry, fearful and intolerant, always trying to prove you are better than your ego tells you. The survival ways always lead to either living in the past or future. For me it was always living in the future.
Society does not teach you your real worth. You are left floundering listening to negative ego, backed by society which tells you you can only be worthy if you are white, or rich, or own your own business, or skinny,…..yada! yada! yada!…… the beat goes on, enforcing your ego mind. Well, guess what Human, you are what you think about all day long……and the power is within you to think differently to create another reality, based on love and joy.. The dust has settled and time for you to take a good long look at yourself, the good, the bad,and the ugly. All your experiences, whether you describe them as good or bad, make up a unique you. You are connected to the most powerful energy in the Universe. You are at your core, a Spiritual Being, capable of moving out of ego mode and into God/dess mode. That is why you are here and that is why you came to the planet in the first place. Please understand, the lower you feel at this moment means the stronger you are, you have made it this far with the negative ego outlook. You creatively survived and that takes strength. It is now time to take that strength and focus on how amazing you are for making it this far……..and accepting and healing the journey.
Of course, the healing journey is as individualized as you are. But you are reading this for a reason and Angels are around you and wiling to guide you where you need to go……just say ‘yes,I am ready’. Be in present moment and honor the feelings you have. It is that simple or as complicated as ego tries to make it.
When I sat down to write this, I wanted to write about how fast time flies. I wanted to move you from the past or the future to this moment in time. This is all we have, right here, right now. This is where your point of power is. I wanted to show you, with all the ego baggage, that you are missing out on how wonderful and fun life can be. You see, I missed so much living in the future. As I look back on who I thought I was through ego, I see I spent way too much time worrying about nothing, being fearful for no reason, and hating myself for not being good enough. Time is fluid, and you can drag yourself through this life, with your ego baggage, or decide to see the world through Spiritual eyes. You have no idea how much love you can hold or how much happiness you can have. It is within you to be loving, especially of yourself…..It is within you to have peace…….It is within you to have joy. I am amazed how the Universe rises to meet you just by being in gratitude. I am amazed by how peaceful ‘just being’ is. It’s not that nothing ‘bad’ ( I use that term loosely) or unexpected ever happens, but instead of ego controlling your thoughts, which always takes you to disaster, worry, fear and pain, The Universe has got your back. It works because you ‘know’ it works, and since you are what you think about, well……..it is always taken care of, every thing you need and want comes to you with love…….no ego fear and worry necessary.
Welcome to Earth, Spiritual Being!!
Checkout my book ‘8 Keys; A Special Delivery Message from the Angels’, on Amazon Kindle and Amazon, you can order on my website for a signed copy. The ‘8 Keys’ is the answer to everything…it should be the Angels wrote it, and includes my journey from invisible to Goddess!!!!! And being Goddess is way more fun!!!